Let me get this instantly: You went out with this dude for six months and in no way ordered a pizza together? Wow. That needs to be some form of a document, especially if you have been eating cheeseburgers, barbeque, and enchiladas, which can be quite plenty of gateway ingredients for pizza. Really, in vascular health phrases, consuming a pizza is like injecting your arteries with bacon grease. (Psssst: That’s outstanding unhealthy.)
If you’re going to threaten a large coronary heart assault – or even worse, a stroke – you would possibly as properly swing for the fences. Just load that child up with all styles of processed meats and fatty cheeses and pray that sooner or later, your heart will simply fucking explode and kill you instantly. Ideally, even as you’re beneath, they affect some heavy narcotics due to the fact a coronary heart explosion needs to be excruciatingly painful for at least some warm seconds. Besides, I guess the Almighty respects a ludicrously ambitious prayer – or at the least appreciates a good giggle.
In any case, why smash a huge ol’ meaty, cheesy, greasy gastronomical loss of life trap with something healthy like a pineapple? That does not make any damn experience. You think Jesus is up there checking pizza elements and wondering, “Oh, wait, he turned into seeking to consume at least a little bit healthy. Look! He introduced pineapple! Maybe we have only to provide him a mini-stroke!” To which I am pretty certain God could reply, “Pineapple?!?!? I handiest created that fruit so sexual deviants could have a decent, safe phrase!” To which Jesus might respond, “Then why did you make them so delicious?!?!?”
Look, I don’t have enough column area to dive into an entire theological exploration/qualitative evaluation of pineapples and pizza. Suffice it to mention that pizza is normally scrumptious enough that hundreds of thousands of Americans pick to kill themselves with the aid of consuming it slowly. Pineapples are each funky and delicious and, in keeping with the Almighty, I believe, a great secure phrase. However, the twain ought to in no way meet out of doors the isle of Hawaii, wherein demise is usually coming near, and they may be as much as their asses in pineapples.
Here at the mainland, that dog might not hunt. If I were you, I would keep off on introducing this dude in your dad and mom until you understand for sure he does not have other sick perversions he’s hiding – like setting anchovies in his piña colada. Better secure than sorry.
Using your fingers or the rolling pin, roll out flat.
Top your pizza along with your favorite pizza toppings. Use clean components. Fresh vegetables are pleasant. Place some beaten stewed tomatoes or sauce on dough. Use your preferred cheese, vegetables, and meats. Use your imagination.
After you’ve got made pizza a few instances, do not be afraid to experiment.
When making pizza, much less is greater. Do now not overcrowd your pizza. Allow the flavor of the dough to shine via. Use restraint while topping your pizza. Less is greater!
Cook pizza in 500+ F degree oven for 8-10 minutes till the backside has started to brown. For cooking pizza, the hotter, the better. Remember to pre-heat your oven for at least 1 hour.
Making your own pizza will alternate your existence. Your friends will praise you. Your kids will love you. And in case you are single, it will improve your love lifestyles! Pizza on Earth, Good Will to All!
